🔞
“You think it’s easy You think I don’t want to run to you But there are mountains And there are doors that we can’t walk through”— “ Rewrite the Stars “ The Greatest Showman
(Source: darkheartgodess, via heproe)
“I have seen that look. I have been on the receiving end a thousand times and I have given it a thousand more. Your lips are curling, holding back words that will go in through one ear and right out the other. The kindest hearts weigh the most and I am under direct orders: no heavy lifting. You are undeniably wonderful but you are looking in me for a place to unload your weathered bags and I have boarded up my windows and dead-bolted my doors. It is too messy for me to have company. I am deaf to all knocking, unfazed by doorbells ringing. Please, No soliciting. I am too broke to afford anything you have to offer. Do not perch on my porch in hopes that I will open my curtains and soak up your sunshine. The last time I went out, I heard tornado sirens and I am still locked in the basement searching for safety. You are the type of person who will bleed themselves dry in attempts that someone else will feel fuller. You chase people on paralyzed limbs to prove your loyalty. You climb mountains just to see their perspective and never rest to tend to your aching ankles. You never get a ‘thank-you’ but don’t hesitate to do it all over again. I will not allow you to follow me across the world when I have no map and my low fuel light has been flashing for miles. I will not allow you to patiently wait at home for my return when I so frequently lose track of time, take wrong turns, and fail to flip my calendar. I have seen that look. And I know how treacherous it is to crave a soul that cannot sit still, to long for a lover that doesn’t know how to love. It’s a great look, so pure and hopeful. But you’re looking at the wrong person.”— (trm) don’t look
“I am the type of girl your mother never warned you about but should have. I am midnight adventures, breathless “I love you”’s and bodies intertwined between the sheets I am the sun pouring through your window at 6 am, your favourite song stuck on repeat and awkward first kisses I am your 8th shot of tequila, bruises with unknown causes and repressed memories I am bittersweet, I am hot and cold and I am everything in between I will love you until it kills us both, I will break your heart in the most beautiful way imaginable”— but you will love the way I burn
“I’m doing a line in the library bathroom as you read lines from the book your mother used to read to you. As you kiss me, I embrace that this is my favorite time with you because I’m too numb to feel anything besides your skin on mine. I also wonder if I stay with you because of I feel when I’m high, or if I get high because of how I feel with you. Without this magic powder would we even make it in this life, or would we turn on each other like we’ve all read in books? Do we hold on to this high because were to afraid that if we sober up we’ll have to find a new body to call home? Is it selfish of me to keep you in this moment forever for my own reasons? I let it slip my mind as I continue to lose my self in you.”— If you decide to get sober I will too, even if that means you’ll leave me.
the scariest part about getting better is not knowing who you’ll be afterward. looking in the mirror and not knowing who you are without your sadness. the scars are still there, but the pain has faded and you don’t laugh at the same things anymore. it’s like getting a second chance at life, but you’re in the same body you’ve always hated. getting better is scary, and i think that’s why it’s taking me so long.
“I told her smoking was bad and she whispered in my ear that I was too, calling me a drug and I told her not to overdose, but she said I hope I do.”— AP
“You never fail to confuse me. You used to amaze me too, but now it’s only confusion. When I see you, I so badly want to talk to you. But then I remember that you have changed. You are not the same person you were seven months ago. To be fair, I’m not either. No one is. I look back on the past with fondness. We used to be such great friends. We were always comfortable around each other, and now we aren’t. Every time I see you and a small shiver still tingles down my spine and my heart beats a little faster, I have to remember that you are a bitter, cynical, and mean person now. You are not the boy I once knew. You are not the boy I once liked. And I miss you.”— 9:32pm thoughts// remember when I spent countless summer days missing you? I do.
